Community of Love – an Authentic Miracle . by Andrew Hendrikse
December 10, 2007 at 4:01 pm | In emergent spirituality, movement | 23 CommentsI must begin by claiming to be a generally lost traveller following a dark light and not prone to voicing my thoughts in writing ( I would be more comfortable painting a canvas). However, the loss of sleep due to a mind overcontemplating the events of yesterday evening has lead me to put a somewhat emotional perspective in clear sentences as opposed to a cryptic painting as displayed on my blogsite.
Yesterday evening a group of roughly a dozen Emerging, Post-mod Christians met at the NIA movement centre in Observatory, Cape Town to continue an open-minded adventure into exploring dance and movement as an approach to drawing closer to God, healing , worship and community. This was the second week and so Kathy the leader of the NIA started the session with some sharing and each member shared on their experience from the week before. There was an emphasis on the healing powers of this technique of movement and we each were to focus on simple physical problems we might be experiencing, such as a stiff neck and shoulders, a back problem, a surfing injury and in my case – a left shoulder injury.
After the sharing time, music was introduced and with a bold “Free- dance” approach we began by sitting on the floor perfectly still, after a few minutes of centering ourselves and focus-sing inward we were lead through a process of movements that increased in the range of physical activity. Firstly, we simply started to sway while still sitting ( still focus-sing inward- embryonic) allowing the music to guide our movement. Then we were lead into movements that more expansive, however limited to staying fairly flat on the floor. We were stretching and contracting ourselves on our backs and stomachs and rolling from side to side ( still embryonic). The next stage was to start putting our weight onto our feet and hands, but still crouching and start a slow process expanding until standing/dancing/ moving on our feet and opening up through hip, back and arm movements, always being in sync to the music. At this point I felt most energized and intimately in touch with myself and God. I felt an awakening of a spiritual energy that was within. At this moment we were lead into movements that took us away from the space we had started from and became aware of the other dances around us. Suddenly there was community. A whole group of energised, spiritual beings. Our floor movements increased until we were dancing all around the room and purposefully moving between each other and entering closely into each others space in interweaving patterns. It was quite magical. The heat, the magnet fields, the rhythms were uplifting and the sense of joy and love was tangible. The climax of the dance was when we were lead into movement and dance that involved brushing up against each other. These subtle touches against one another were amazing to the senses and it reminds me of the healing miracle of Jesus when the woman simply touched his garment. At this stage we were lead into a close huddle and the placing hands on each other. The onenes was beautiful. Our bodies moved down towards the floor and the group became one embryo,the music slowed and we melted away from each other and the dance ended.
We had short time of sharing the experience and then entered into a second phase of the session which was more structures movements that both drew in our own strength and then released this power upwards. I used this as praise to the Creator.
Towards the end of the session Kathy asked us to think of ourselves in the future. Firstly in 2008, then in 5 years from now and finally 10 years from now. She mentioned that this is difficult for her as she has cancer. We continued the move and dance for a short while and the session ended.
Kathy thanked the sweaty, hot and out of breathe Christian Post-mod adventurers for being so willing to explore NIA and expressed delight in how open we had been and enjoyed our spiritual exploration and was willing to continue working with us in some format and asked us if we had any thing to share or comment on.
At this moment I sensed a sudden change in the atmosphere and what had been most embracing and open seemed to close-up and what had been light became heavy. A short discussion pursued and dogma and method suddenly stifled the progress that had been made in finding a new way to worship, approach God and Heal. This resulted in a time of pray and “laying on” of hands on Kathy. Unfortunately we had retracted back to an approach that we were familiar with.
However, I’m grateful that this took place as it gives us a chance to reflect on this.
In my most opinion, the dance we had done earlier in the session was more authentic as a way of healing.
You are most probably asking, how can Andrew say this?
Firstly, only God, the Creator can heal. So dancing, prayer, fasting and laying-on of hands are available in an iconic sense to help and guide into a place when healing can take place.
The gift of healing is something we don’t possess, (some of us have special sensitivity in these matters that are difficult to explain but it is authentic) however, we do have the Spirit within us to give a gift without even knowing that the gift has been given or was needed by the receiver. Sometimes the receiver is not even aware that he or she needed the gift.
A true gift of love is most powerful and during moments when we come together as a community and participate in any form of togetherness it is possible for the miraculous.
This is the love that arises out of God. To born of God is to be born of love. This love needs to be totally anonymous and not anyway self-reflective. So, by letting go of self we allow love/God flow through us.
The next we have to consider how we can be transformed. Here, I ‘m drawn to two recent postings on the Pete Rollins website that deal with the miraculous. please click on the links as they are both really worth reading.
http://www.ignite.cd/blogs/Pete/index.cfm?postid=874#comments (A miracle without miracle)
http://www.ignite.cd/blogs/Pete/index.cfm?m=10&y=2007 ( The miraculous – with or without magic)
We need the miraculous in each of our lives and the path I’ve taken with you guys that I truly love will be back-tracked, side-stepped and sometimes we will run forwards. But let’s look to be authentic and God will work through us. Yesterday evening God was working through each of us on the dance floor. There was no need to strive. The love was flowing , I felt it. And where there is love you will find God.
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Andy
Thanks for such a thorough revealing of your ups and downs regarding our amazing time. I think your experience is iconic of the passage we are all undergoing. Up to the point where you felt it became “heavy”, we were all in unknown territory, playing and exploring. The midsession reflection showed that we were all enjoying it but some of us were struggling to express ourselves openly. And many of those who found it hard to move, touch or express, wished that it was otherwise. They saw a freedom they wanted.
I think what upset this sense of love and balance was the very spokenness and directness shown by some of us, in regards to the concern that the Lordship of Jesus may somehow become obscured in sheer feeling or indirect, new-agey allusion to spritual generalities. The very particular request to pray for Kathy in a Charasmatic style – laying on of hands, overtly in the name of Jesus and so on, probably felt a odds with the reality you were experiencing. You did not want to make overt what was for you very implicit and intuitive.
Andy, you are on a profound journey into mysticism. You have been away from conventional church for 10 years, and yet you are feeling a pull of G-d to seek His-Her community. But like myself, you don’t want any hype, you don’t want
cliche, you don’t want “Christendom”. And the way it went yesterday I think sounded like a “return” to the very things you are finally shedding.
As for myself, I have been away from orthodoxy for about 15 years. I see your reservations but at the same time I see the authentically “charismatic” as part and parcel of the very new community I envision. So my heart lept when despite myself I was dragged from a time of freedom into a familiar expression of Vineyard style intimate ministry. The context for that expression was very fresh, even though the words might have been too familiar.
I sensed a heart in those who intitated things, of compassion. Their vocabulary was not what I would have used, but it was for me “in spirit and in truth”.
There is more than enough space in this emergence for all of our worlds. We want more authenticity, more creativity, more freedom, and also more power. I’m fool enough to want it all. If you aim high, you might achieve a lot.
Those who want to be direct and evangelistic can do so, but they need to expand their vocabulary, their vision and their practice of worship. It is the role of this community to facilitate this transformation.
Comment by Nic Paton — December 10, 2007 #
Hi Andrew,
When you say “The gift of healing is something we don’t process…” what do you mean? I experience gifts of healing being available but usually not made use of.
My personal frustration on Sunday related to evangelical need to preach through statements as well as via prayer rather than facilitate healing.
I felt quite frustrated that the tendency was toward “praying” rather than “hearing” and “seeing” what Goddess intended to do. It was as though those from the Vineyard completed lost sight of their heritage. I felt ashamed and embarrased and tried my hand at diplomacy as best I was able in the situation.
Nevertheless, I believe those who acted did so out of love and out of the right spirit and I feel no need to rebuke and in fact see an opportunity for us to grow, possibly even finding our keys to the kingdom which I believe we’ve lost somewhere.
I ventured out a little as an envoy with what the Spirit gave me to work with, but must admit I pulled short. Fortunately the follow up conversations and email confirms that the Spirit, Christ and the Father/Mother intend healing in this situation. Hence I stepped out to initiate a 4 session series focused on healing, which focuses on the “dog” in this case which I received via a visionary experience late last night and confirmed through Kathy’s request.
Though a halting start, and perhaps not postmod or post-church enough for of us I believe we’ve actually taken a monumental step forward that has every chance of stretching us in the right way.
Comment by timvictor — December 10, 2007 #
Hi Tim
Process was supposed to read possess. I have changed the error.
Andrew
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 10, 2007 #
Hi Nic and Tim
Thank you for your prompt responses to my posting.
I totally agree that this experience has been real progress in creating a reality of the challenges ahead as we work together in finding God in a loving and fully inclusive way.
I feel that there is no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed or in my case anger. We also do not need to explain our backgrounds and where we stand, whether we are Charismatic Christians, Pagan Christians , Mystic Christians, Gnostic Christians, Orthodox or not or been to church in recent times.
Now , in retrospect I would like to suggest that what we lacked on Sunday was leadership. We all were full of love that only comes from God but had no direction so things got a little out of control. Nothing wrong with that. This was the first time we have been so stretched and it is understandable that we would look to the safety of familiar ground. It would have been really interesting if most of us were Trappist monks.
Please understand that I have been hugely encouraged by all of this.
As to the format of a future community and the Charismatic, I would agree on the element of healing.
Regarding the gift of healing. Once again it is semantics. I stay clear of saying I have a special gift as this could create ego problems in the community. I have been radically influenced by the writings Peter Rollins, especially with regards to anonymous /invisible love.
Tim there is no doubt that you possess special gifts of the spirit and I want to thank you for being authentic in your display of love. I love what you say about finding the keys to the Kingdom.
I say let move on to further challenges in an attitude of love.
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 10, 2007 #
It is delightfully exciting to experience and witness this MOVING process. The pond is certainly NOT stagnant – there are ripples and waves and even tides – there is MOVEMENT. The textures are rich and exciting and so genuine.
I am so familiar and comfortable with the vocabulary of dance and movement and have always known the power of expression in this form of communication. For me the dance is obviously about worship but it’s also so much more than worship – it’s communication, it’s representation, it’s expression, it’s exposition, it’s understanding, it’s truth, it’s prayer . . .
Yet, even within this familiar territory I feel like I am always moving in circles – and every time the circle is a different size or a different colour or in a different place. It’s very exciting. Everytime I move and dance I learn more and this is a very exciting journey!
Comment by movingincircles — December 10, 2007 #
Hi Andrew,
I’m am with you in that I don’t believe that any individual actually owns a spiritual gift. Though God/-ess may choose to work through an individual and though they may express that gift in increasing measure according to their faith they never actually possess it.
In the context of the gifting passages in Scripture I lean toward the notion that when the community gathers and the Spirit hovers over them then S/He distributes gifts. Some are blessed as recipients of those gifts while others are blessed as conduits.
I don’t perceive or understand myself to possess any special gifts of the Spirit, rather I often experience stuff – because I choose to risk – and have most often served as an example and facilitator enabling others to more readily grasp and implement what usually takes me much longer to figure out.
I guess the situation snowballed a bit through collective good intention. It may be interesting for us to share our feelings about the event and see what we can learn from each other in doing so.
Comment by timvictor — December 11, 2007 #
fakeexpressionsoftheunkown –
I don’t think we lacked leadership. I think we are learning about the Anarchy (“NOT STRUCTURED”) of Love. We need less “Leadership” and more flowing. The risk of flowing is that we will bump into things we don’t like or are trying to get away from, (or may in fact be downright dangerous). I say, take this risk, be prepared for the results.
movingincircles –
“but it’s also so much more than worship – it’s communication, it’s representation, it’s expression, it’s exposition, it’s understanding, it’s truth, it’s prayer ”
For me, you are helping in this statement to redefine worship. I don’t see those things to be as opposed to worship.
Comment by Nic Paton — December 11, 2007 #
Tim
The reason for me stepping out into a really uncomfortable place and expressing my raw feelings about Sunday was firstly a selfish need to vent my fustration and secondly to see how others felt about it. However, I think the real progress is maybe happening now as we grapple with each other in love in order to grow as a fledgling community. A community of Love – An authentic miracle
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 11, 2007 #
Nic
I fully agree that we need to bump, rub up and take risks. But, I will keep to my opinion that when we retreat to safe formats and Dogma we stop risking and cutting through the jungle into new spaces. At this moment leadership/sheperding is required. I like to concept of the “Anarchy of Love”. I would rather call it the “Mystery of Love”
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 11, 2007 #
But we all at times retreat – there is no state of “constant attack”.
What your response says, is that there is a “work of mystery” active in you. The downside of this is that you will find formats and dogma intolerable.
That’s cool, others will keep the connection going to those not yet in that place, for as long as you feel so hotly. But you need to acknowledge that, for the sake of others, and so that you don’t reflexively reject them.
Comment by Nic Paton — December 11, 2007 #
Nic
I trust you understand that I’m searching and ansking questions. I don’t have many answers. However, I can admit to falling and stumbling. You are right that at times we all retreat. At the moment of retreat we have to be more aware than ever not to be defensive. I felt on Sunday a sense of needing to defend. I struggle with this. This is maybe my problem but I’m being open and honest about how I feel.
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 11, 2007 #
Did YOU need to defend, or did you feel OTHERS were defending?
I totally get that you are at a very good place of pressing in, with honesty about what you don’t know, and with passion. There is no problem with any of this. I don’t feel any concern for you, just celebration. I’m not even suggesting you are stumbling, I think you are going with your heart.
My concern is for those who feel threatened by people like you and me, who can be unapologetic, irreverant and iconoclastic. Somehow despite the fact that we are pressing in, I want to acknowledge the stuggles of those who are not yet there, because we have all been there… threatened, defensive, resorting to the familiar.
Patience, oh prophet!
Comment by Nic Paton — December 11, 2007 #
Nic
Thanks for your words of wisdom and level-headedness. I look to you for guidance.
In retrospect I believe that on Sunday we all became a bit defensive of our positions. I was taken aback by what was said and then felt like I had to correct it and say something instead of letting it go. I see that as failure on my part.
I feel that I need to ask you and the rest for patience with me and my ego.
I don’t feel like I’m in a good place. My desire is for community and oneness that is authentic.
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 11, 2007 #
Nic
I absolutely DON’T see those things – and so many more – as opposed to worship. I am so interested in making worship so much more than the conventional – our whole lives are, can be, should be an act of worship. “Make my life a prayer to you…” Keith Green – make my dance a prayer to you.
“In Him we live and move and have our being.”
I did not feel or sense the need to pray at all afterwards on Sunday because I had been praying through every movement of my body throughout the session. I DID, however, feel the need to honour / accept / let those who did want to formalise a prayer time. In honesty I also briefly felt a (peer)pressure to be part of the prayer time but I needed to stay in a place that was true for me and authentic for me.
For me, the prayers were (and I risk big time by saying this) redundant. I had held each person in the group in prayer during the dances, I had sensed the community and the individual and I did not see the need to do it all over again. We had ventured out of our comfort zones, all of us, and I truly believe that we had prayed and worshipped and played in God’s presence.
Tess
Comment by movingincircles — December 11, 2007 #
Tess,
I’m with you in that. However, I did feel the desire to invite the Spirit to be present, to hear from Her and join her as She worked. I believe we stumbled crudely and messily toward worship and intimacy with each and Goddess.
I’m challenged by the idea of developing our human side to spirituality, increasing the breadth and scope of what it means to be in community of one spirit and to worship intimately and openly.
I’m equally challenged by the notion that Goddess desires to be with us, to be in us, to move around us, to be present through us.
I also feel that the words prayed were redundant in that context and feared that they stemmed from the ingrained evangelical need to preach and convert. However, I’m convinced that we need to co-discover what it means to be envoys effecting the contributions of Christ Jesus in our day and in our lives and in our world.
I’m excited by the growing opportunity between us to reshape what it means and looks like to worship in abandon. I think our ancestor David would’ve been proud; I sense that the Spirit of Christ desires far beyond our own to embrace us in dance, in intimacy, so that we may truly and deeply know Goddess.
Having met with Kathy I’m encouraged by her openness and maturity. She really does follow Christ Jesus as do we.
Andy,
Thanks for getting the ball rolling. You’ve really put yourself on the line. I acknowledge your humility and your honesty and your integrity in doing so.
To everyone,
In a year I believe we’ll all look back and be surprised by how many have been inspired by our pilgrimage together. We have the privilege of discovering something for ourselves that will be a contribution to many. We are led by the Spirit in this. Let’s take heart. Let’s be encouraged. Let’s choose to see the good in all things.
Comment by timvictor — December 11, 2007 #
I still feel that to say the verbal prayers were “redundant” is too harsh, although I appreciate where you are coming from, having been practically silent wrt this form of prayer, for almost 15 years.
As I said, “we” were not a “we”, we were a loose group of experimenters. To claim that traditional vocal prayer is redundant is to assume there is an established tradition and praxis of non-vocal prayer: there is not.
Another POV is this:
To lay on hands and pray out loud, even (at a pinch) to “preach evangelically” in the middle of a NIA class, is a very fresh thing, all in all. The charismatic reflexes themselves might have been well trod, but the context in which they were uttered was very fresh.
If we had not had the view of things we do, there never would have been a group of 13 Christians smack bang in the middle of a New Age healing environment… that in itself is an acheivement of note.
Comment by Nic Paton — December 12, 2007 #
METHOD or MADNESS – The key is LOVE in seeking the KINGDOM and all sorts of things will come to us.
Nic, do not be scared of the “We”. A micro-community is emerging. There can be close community with macro-diversity.
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 12, 2007 #
6 of us from the class met last night for a drink, and discussed the experience at length. It’s interesting to note how feelings are quite strong, I take that positively.
Firstly, most LOVED the class and the concept. Others, however, didn’t get it at all, (for a wide variety or reasons), but were pushed into a place of active questioning.
Secondly, almost all had a very difficult time with the evangelical outburst and subsequent prayer huddle. In fact I was the sole defender of the situation, despite generally being the one that has enabled this whole stretching away from our familiar traditions.
I have found myself playing a mediating role here, not really between people as much as between paradigms. We find ourselves in a blessed liminality.
Most of “us” (remember there is no real “us”) seem quite keen to jettison church wholesale. While I am all for throwing out useless or harmful traditions, and have developed an inclusive view of Christ’s work, I don’t want to merely react.
What happened on Sunday was for me a lancing of toxins; it was a healing moment. The more “evangelical” ones were being stretched but remained open and I give them that credit. The anti-evangelicals were being stretched by confronting the black dog of evangelicalism.
Confusion and chaos is our current ethos. We bear the pain of transformation. If you want stability or a well defined faith, you will not find it here. We are in a river, some abandoned to the central flow and others spinning in the eddys between the current and the sidewaters, now pointing down stream , now upstream, spinning, untethered, anarchic, confused and blissful.
Remember this feeling.
Comment by Nic Paton — December 13, 2007 #
i’m aware of being the virtual fly on the wall here but given that a number of people i care about attended at the weekend, i wanted to take part in the conversation.
reading Andy’s post, the following hit me like a snotklap on a dark night: “…dogma and method suddenly stifled the progress…”
after enjoying the space to move & commune freely, i think i would have found it surreal to then find myself laying on hands, discussing theology etc – i don’t know what precisely was discussed. elaboration anyone?
when one wants to break into something spiritually deeper and more authentic and embarks on an experience like you all did on the weekend, the urge to discuss and analyse immediately after the event can be strong, and often adds considerable value.
the flipside is that it can also take people too rapidly from the right/creative/intuitive brain to the left/linear/analytical. with the greatest value being in the balance between the two, maybe you guys need to agree beforehand how much “discussion” is going to go during or soon after the experience. after all, while you were consciously engaged during the movement session, the real work would have been going on at an unconscious level.
Nic, you find yourself mediating between two paradigms, namely evangelical/modern/exclusive and post-evangelical/post-modern/inclusive – this is entirely consistent with the post-modern inclusive heterodox evangelical alchemist christian that you are and is of tremendous value. amongst other things, i respect your authority.
Andy, you cut to the chase, avoid over-analysis and bullshit and have a palpable desire for Truth. i can’t comment too much on what went on after the movement, when things moved into discussion and prayer, but i suspect i would felt uncomfortable with the transition. as Nic said in his last comment, “confusion and chaos is our current ethos”, so whatever differences arose, you stand on the same bedrock.
where i currently stand in my spiritual walk & understanding, i only want to engage in theological debate & apologetics in order to defend the inclusion and embracing of another. in terms of my own walk, i now seek a deeper & more resonant mythology rather than theology.
in short, i think what you have embarked on together is wonderful and very promising. as you move through the differences, you will glimpse the space/place you seek in communion with each other.
continue being open & bold.
Comment by liquidlight — December 13, 2007 #
Gwanda
I am houred to have you partycipate from afar, and to be prepared to go out on a limb. How I wish you could be here.
To have someone who knows several of “not/us” is comforting, and I think you have pointed out some of our dynamics like a true insider.
I think you are indeed an architct of deeper and more resonant mythology, and your input is invaluable, especially at this formative time.
Comment by Nic Paton — December 14, 2007 #
Russ
Your insights are most appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read all of this and comment.
As always you and Kelly are loved and missed.
Andrew
Comment by fakeexpressionsoftheunkown — December 14, 2007 #
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